So, What's New..? 

September 26, 2005

Really need to update. I just removed the guestbook. It's been getting a lot of spam entries over the past several months. After deleting about a dozen that I got today, I decided to just delete the guestbook.

April 18 (2004) - Sunday

Sheesh! Long time no update.  All the babies were born in the fall (3 girls). Belated congratulations to Justin & Juli, Erik & Angie and Carl & Steph.

TurtleBoy got engaged at Christmas, he's planning one more good year at Lakeside.  He's been here 25 years, but everything comes to an end.

The water in the lake is now at a level not seen for 10 years.  Amazing, considering how low it was just 2 years ago.

I've recently purchased a new digital camera, a Canon PowerShot S50 to replace my original Sony Mavica.  I hope to get some good pictures posted soon.

November 12 - Wednesday

I posted a page of pictures showing some of the damage from Hurricane Isabel and a page from Sofaking's 30th birthday party (in October).  We had a big bonfire this past Saturday night burning some of the downed trees and brush from Isabel.

September 23 - Tuesday

The remnants of Hurricane Isabel hit us last Thursday night.  We took a real beating.  At least a dozen trees 12" or more in diameter came down, 2 on TurtleBoy's house and 6 blocking the driveway.  TurtleBoy said he was never so scared in his life.  He took his pillow and a blanket down to the garage/basement and tried to sleep on the floor.  No power or water from Thursday night until Sunday night.  I took a bunch of pictures.  I'll post them when I get around to taking my new scanner that I bought in April out of the box and hooking it up.

Last night we got torrential rain, at least 4".  Power went out around 6 AM and wasn't restored for 9 or 10 hours.  This was unrelated to Isabel.

August 17 - Sunday

There's a bass around 2 feet long behind the dock.

After a long hiatus, Thirsty Thursday is back!  The women are pregnant and the guys are telling jokes and drinking Beer.  There's some mention of shots, but the women are pregnant, so the guys stick with Beer.  I took a half day of vacation Friday morning.

July 12 - Saturday

What started out as a simple project has become an amazing look at the life in the lake.  At the end of last summer, Sofaking put a sturdy plastic screen along the back of the dock.  When the water came back, he was going to put some koi back there.

This screen has openings about 3/4 of an inch.  There were no fish behind the screen, as there was no water.  Again - no fish behind the screen, no water.

It rained.  It snowed and it rained.  It rained some more.  You get the picture.  Miraculously, the lake returned to levels not seen in 5 years.

Now it gets weird.

The newest member of the community works at a fish hatchery, and put a bunch of koi in the koi pond.  Two unrelated circumstances come crashing together.  Plan to build a koi pond, new guy moves in, has koi.

But the screen is somehow breached.  Big islands of muck have been surfacing, and there are too many large bluegills behind the screen to make sense.  I spotted 8 crappies (8 - 12") together in a hole today - behind the screen!

June 25 - Wednesday

Summer finally arrived - no spring this year.  Temps only got out of the 60's a couple times all Spring, and we got an incredible amount of much needed rain, but now its hot and humid.  There's only one window in this house that will accommodate my AC unit, but it's in the sunken living room.  I'll have to find a smaal, little, teenie tiny efficient unit that will help in the bedroom.  As the BEER kicks in...

The frog population has been decimated.  Whether it's the the drought of the last few years, the incredible rebound from the drought, disease or the cosmos - something caused a massive drop in the numbers of frogs.  I could go outside right now and hear some croaking, but it should be more of a deafening roar.  Anyway, my buzz is telling me it's time to do something else.  Bye.

May 16 - Friday

The house swap finally happened at the end of April.  I traded termites for ants.  I'm surrounded by boxes full of stuff that I don't know what to do with & I doubt if I'll ever figure out how to hook up my stereo again.  We're still getting lots of rain and the water in the lake is still rising.  With all the rain, it looks like the lawn mower will be getting a real workout this year.

This is shaping up as a terrible year for the frogs.  I've only seen a half dozen, or so, and heard a few croaking on a couple occasions.  For some reason, very few made it through the winter.  This time of year they should be roaring at night, but there's hardly a barrump to be heard.  Turtles and snakes everywhere, just not frogs.

March 30, 2003 - Sunday

As the 4th Horseman saddles up....

Amazingly, the winter brought us well above normal snowfall, and when it hasn't been snowing, it's been raining.  The lake is about at its normal level, but it would be nice to have it come up another 2 feet.  We've been well below normal all winter for temperatures, and we finally had some warm weather last week.  As I type this, it's been snowing all day.

Next month we're having another major house swapping.  One couple is moving out, the folks in #5 are moving into that house, and after 13 years in #3, I'm moving into #5.  Someone new is moving here.

Last night Sofaking deep fried a goose and had a poker game.

The spring peepers have been making their ruckus at night, and yesterday I saw a frog.  Unfortunately it was one that didn't make it through hibernation.  Every spring there are some that can be seen either on the bottom or floating that are sort of rotting.

September 28 - Saturday

We got a couple inches of rain in the past 2 days, the remnants of Isidore, but we need a lot more.  I finally posted some pictures of the effects of the drought.

September 9 - Monday

Saturday I mowed the lawn for the third time this summer.  The last time I mowed was in early July.

Also on Saturday, I was awakened by a knocking on my door that turned out to be a state trooper investigating something that happened the night before.  Wanted to know if I saw anything suspicious.  I told him Sofaking and I were drinking all night in my kitchen, and that I didn't remember anything unusual, but someone could've brought a moving van in and I probably wouldn't remember.

Now there's only one duck left.

August 21 - Wednesday

I haven't posted the drought pictures, they are already out of date.  It just keeps getting worse.  I'll have to take some new ones soon.

Last evening after work I went down to the dock to check things out.  I spotted the white duck in the edge of the water under the dock, dead.  Now there are two.  It really bummed me out.  The ducks are always good for a laugh, and they aren't a nuisance like the swan was.  They just wander around like they are completely clueless. Dum de dum dum dum.

Plus, I figured it would soon smell really fowl. (sorry)

Tonight the carcass was gone, but there were feathers all around the water's edge.

August 14 - Wednesday

When I get home from work, I'm barely sober long enough to eat dinner, so of ourse I haven't been sober enough to be updating this website.  I need to wear glasses now to type, and I hhate wearing them at home.  My PC takes too long to boot.  How many more excuses do you want?  I think God is very similar to Heineken, only you can't get a case of God and some smokes.

And now for the news...

Our top 2 stories tonight involve the joyful, drunken wedding of Sofaking, and the ongoing drought.

First to our top story, the wedding.  We send you now to the reception with our on the scene reporter, TurtleBoy.  <TurtleBoy> "Hey Doc, check out that babe's legs", "Oh!, did you see that?" "I gotta get out of here, I can't take it." "Aren't  you drinking?" "How could you leave something like that and go to work?"

Um, Sorry folks, we're obviously having some technical difficulties.

I'll fill you in.  Sofaking and Juli (Haven't figured out an appropriate alias yet.  She's a nice girl who teaches Sex Ed at the local juvi center.) were married July 20th.  Big traditional wedding, reception with an open bar for 5 hours, and then a big party at the ranch with a couple halves and a professional fireworks display.  Happy couple with lotsa drunken fools in thheir yard.

I don't even know whwerre to begin with the drought.  The lagoon is almost dried up.  It was the main repository of all our genetic experimentation.  Years of work, gone.  The lake is 5 feet below where it should be at this time of year.  We just aren't getting any rain.  This has been going on for several years, but now it's critical.  This summer, we've had more days in the 90's than I can remember, and the forecast is for temps in the 90's for the next 5 days.  Maybe some scattered thunderstorms.  I only mowed my yard 2 times this summer, and it was only because some weeds don't need too much moisture.

I took a bunch of really depressing pictures this evening, I have to process them, and then I'll be posting them.  Tonight it isn't going to happen.  I'm down to typing with 1 finger and using my other hand to work the Beer and cigarettes.

June 13 - Thursday

We had our very own anthrax scare yesterday, or at least one of us did.  Monday after work, I went to visit Turtleboy and he told me he left his air conditioner on high in the bedroom Sunday night.  He had what appeared to be a bad cold.  Yesterday, after I got home from work he was at my door telling me he felt really sick.  He had a nasty rash all over his chest and stomach (which looked like prickly heat to me - it was a very hot, humid day).  He asked me about the symptoms of anthrax exposure, and I said I thought they started like the flu.  He told me he thought he had anthrax and I laughed, telling him he should be more concerned about west nile.  Then he said he wanted to show me something in his truck.  He had a box of tissues, and when he pulled one out, a whole bunch of white powder came with it.  I backed up a few steps for effect and that did the trick.  He asked what he should do and I told him if it were me, I'd take the stuff to the police.  So he decides that's what he should do.  He finishes his Beer and says he's going to town.  I asked him how many Beers he drank and he said "two".  I was concerned that he was gonna get jammed, even without drinking, but there was no stopping him now.

After an hour or so, Turtleboy wasback at the compound and told me what happened.  The police station was locked.  He saw a volunteer fireman in the parking lot of a local convenience store, and asked him how to contact the police.  He was told to call 911, but just then a state trooper drove by and he flagged him down.  He told the trooper his story and showed him the powder.  The trooper said it was manufacturing residue, to which he replied "Oh, I guess you're an expert on manufacturing tissues".  The trooper said "We're not going to test it, if that's what you're after" and he rubbed some powder between his fingers and smelled it.  Turtleboy said "Now you've got it too".  Then he ripped off his shirt and said "What about this rash?" to which the trooper replied "Looks like prickly heat".  "Oh, now you're an expert on rashes, too."

March 31 - Easter Sunday

Yesterday was gorgeous.  I saw the first frog of the year, two turtles, and heard the spring peepers for the first time last night.  Then it got ugly.

I started the day with 2 cases of BEER in the fridge and made a pot of potato soup.  I had a couple people over for soup, and more people showed up last night cause they were in a partying mood and knew there's always a party at Lakeside.  Finding someplace open around here on Easter Sunday that sells BEER is a wasted effort.  I guess it'll be whiskey tonight.

March 12 - Tuesday

Saturday we deep fried a turkey.  A couple weeks ago Sofaking mentioned he bought a new steamer and deep fryer.  I said I had a turkey in the freezer & the wheels were in motion.  If you've heard deep fried turkey is delicious, you've heard correctly.  After we got the oil to temperature, we put in an 18 lb. bird & it was done in an hour and 15 minutes.  Eight of us devoured pretty much the whole thing in no time.

I really don't want to know what happened to the 5 gallons of cooking oil...

February 23 - Saturday

Last night a few of us were sitting around in my kitchen drinking BEER and discussing whatever was on our minds.  The conversation turned to the Olympics when Turtleboy mentioned that he really liked that Russian skater, Slutski (with the dark hair and blue dress).  Then he asked "what's with curling?, I mean, why do they call it curling?"  "Does the stone curl down the ice?"

Next up was a discussion of whirlwinds and bacon (ya had to be there).

Eventually, it was down to me and Sofaking in a drunken discourse on man's eternal arrogance, religion, teeth, what is beyond the edge of the universe, dreams, etc.  We drank the last 2 BEERS in the refrigerator, and called it a night. 

January 31, 2002 - Thursday

So much has been happening lately, I don't know where to start.  Try to stay with me here, it gets kinda complicated.  Three weeks ago C.J. moved out. He lived here for a year.  Two weeks ago Turtleboy moved into C.J.'s place, the furthest house at Lakeside from the water.  After 20 years living on the water's edge, he's moved up into the woods away from the lake.  Somebody else will have to look after the frogs.  Last weekend Sofaking and his fiancée moved into Turtleboy's old house.  Now they're my new next door neighbors.  A new guy moved into Sofaking's old place, but I haven't met him yet.

This really has the cats messed up.  Turtleboy's cat Sam seems to have finally realized he doesn't live down here anymore & Sofaking's cat Steeler doesn't seem to care where he lives, he rules the cats of Lakeside these days.  Lion was the king, but Steeler tore him up pretty good this week.  Steeler launched a vicious, unprovoked attack on me last week when I wouldn't let him in my house. Lily's not sure what is going on.

January has been much warmer than normal.  My daffodils are coming up & they are at least a month ahead of schedule.  We are still way behind on rainfall, the lake is at least 4 feet below where it  should be this time of year.

November 29 - Thursday

A long overdue update.  I haven't really felt like writing anything since the events of September 11th, but life goes on.  Civil rights apparently don't.

Turtleboy gave away his chest freezer last year because he wasn't using it, and now he needs to buy one.  He shot a big buck on Monday, plans to use his doe tag & last night he asked me if I wanted some bear steak.  My freezer is already full.

Leaf raking is just about over for another year, I'll finish mine this weekend.  The temperatures have been very mild this fall, but we haven't had any appreciable rain for months.  The lake is at an all-time low.  The dock is nearly on dry land when it should be in 4 - 6 feet of water.

I was doing my laundry a while back on a Sunday afternoon, sipping some BEER & shooting the breeze with the neighbors.  I came into the house to put my wash in the dryer & started down the cellar steps, when I was confronted with a 6 foot long black snake as big around as my forearm.  I got my broom & tried to get him on the handle to take him out through the garage.  Right.  He kept getting off and starting back up the steps toward me.  He started going straight up the wall and slithered in behind a warped board and disappeared.  I had to get a real snoot full before I could crawl into bed that night.  I still get spooked when I go down in the basement.

August 28 - Tuesday

Yellow Jackets have become a real problem this year.  I had a nest under the forsythia beside my parking space in late July and I killed them with spray before they had a chance to sting me.  Saturday Turtle Boy was mowing his yard for the first time since late June (very dry summer) and he ran over a nest and got stung several times.  Yesterday before work I noticed a bunch flying around the apple tree out front.  Upon closer investigation, I saw a nest in the hollowed out part of the trunk.  I picked up some spray on the way home.  I went next door to tell Turtle Boy about finding another nest, but he told me he found another nest when he tried to finish mowing.  More stings.  This makes 4 Yellow Jacket nests in one summer within a fifty foot radius.

This time of year the spider webs are getting real annoying.  You can't walk around outside without walking into webs.  They're everywhere we want to be.

August 6th - Monday

The annual "Bodies in the Driveway" party was Saturday.  Real nice fireworks display.

Bill Clinton signed the most lucrative non-fiction book contract in history today.  How does his autobiography fall under non-fiction?  We've got an exclusive link here to his rough draft and some excerpts.  This is a work in progress.

The ducks are finally getting over their fear of the water.  They'll swim all around the lake, but they are seldom more than a few feet apart.

June 18 - Monday

If you visited this page over the weekend and clicked on a link provided by Couchmonster, I apologize. 

Anyway it's been a long time since this page has been updated so here goes....

It has been a real cool spring.  Here it is the middle of June, and we didn't have many days out of the 70's until last week.  Swimming in the lake only started over this past weekend.

We've got some domesticated ducks to deal with this summer.  Its a long story, but basically these ducks are afraid of the water.  It all started when someone bid on a lot of ducks when he thought he was bidding on bunnies for Easter.  He was the top bidder on 10 ducklings.  He lives in town and made some phone calls to find homes for these cute little fowl.

Five made it to Lakeside and spent the spring indoors.  They were put outside in a pen in mid - May.  Something, we assume a raccoon, got hold of one of them through the wire of the cage, pulled it to to side of the cage, ripped it apart and ate it in front of the other ducks.

Major traumatic experience.

Sunday a week ago, they were let loose on the lake.  They were having a blast, swimming around, quacking and wiggling their tails.  Monday morning there were 3, on the bank at the back of the dock.   The thinking is that a snapper got one right in front of the others.

They won't go back in the water.  They don't know how to fly (or even that they should).

March 3 - Saturday

Yesterday as I was leaving to got to work, I was checking out the daffodils shooting throught the earth, pushing up a couple inches.  Then I saw a couple robins.  The early spring faint yellow and green is starting to appear.  Spring is coming!!!

The forecast is for possible heavy snow tomorrow and Monday.

February 9? - Fridae

Between the ever worsening trembling and the diminishing vision, it is becoming more and more (wait, I forgot, maybe it's because of the bEER) difficult to maintainain this website.  I come home from work and drink 2 or 3 BEERs before I do anything.  The year is 2001, and I still have to type charactrees at the keyboad.  I never used to care about accessssibility, but I want voice recognition software and I want it soon!

I aded a banner on the home page last night that is rapidly becoming a humabntiyuryn cause.  I came very close todat yo regisrteing fatnakedmenonparole.org  I need inpit from the freakin edge if I'm gonna do it.

Today was one of the nicsets days weave had in a while, and I'd love to trll you about it, but I can't.  I just know it was annice day.  Its getting really windy now.  It sucks when you luidve in the woofds and therew 's high wind.  The only way you're gonna sleept hrough  this is to get roawing drunk.

January 13 - Saturday

Added another page of pictures.

January 6, 2001 - Saturday

This is the best winter in years for skating!  We had 15 days in a row where the temperature hasn't gone above freezing and at night it has been REAL cold.  We've only had a couple of snowfalls, so far & the ice has been kept fairly clean.  The last few days the temperature has gone a few degrees above freezing, but it drops real fast towards evening.  There must be 20 people on the ice right now, and after it gets dark the Tiki torches will be lit.

December 24 - Sunday  (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

'Tis the night before Christmas and under the Dome
not a creature is sober, not even a gnome;
My empties are scattered all over the floor;
I'm hoping that someone will soon bring me more.

The cat's on the sofa and I'm full of booze;
It's time to pass out, or a least for a snooze.

When from out of nowhere there comes blinding light;
I think to myself "something doesn't seem right".
Away to the bathroom I fly in a stagger;
Get down on my knees and throw up some lager.

By now in my beer induced state of unreason;
The cat is outside, and must surely be freezin'.
I go to the door and the cat is not here;
I might as well wait and drink yet one more Beer.

Is it time for the wickey?;  Am I getting too tame?
But the bottles they glisten, I know each one's name;

"Hi, Sweetheart!, Hi Lover!, Hi Darling!, Hi Dear!"
"On Thunder, On Lightning, On Godlike, no Fear"!
As I open the bottle and bounce off the wall;
Now "down the hatch!  down the hatch!  down the hatch all!".

And now, through my drinking, I hear in the hall
the soft pitter patter of each little paw.
As I set down my Beer and start turning around,
on the table my kitty cat leaps with a bound.

She is dressed all in fur from her head to her foot,
which really isn't all that unusual; she's a cat, you know.

Now I've stayed up too late to continue this rhyme;
seems the cat's been inside here the whole stinking time.

December 3 - Sunday

With the election controversy dragging on, I have found time to work on this site while following the hearings on television and not miss anything crucial.  I've been able to add a few new graphics here and there, put up the Christmas decorations, and add the latest product offering.

November 26 - Sunday

I've been off my medication for quite some time now, but that's changed.  If you've been here before, you'll notice the entire site has been redone.  Finally back to one version.  Keeping a framed and non-framed version up to date is just too much work.  The music is history, along with some java applets.  There is a new applet on the sofaking page.

TurtleBoy and I cooked his Thanksgiving turkey today without incident (if you don't count the juice spilled all over my kitchen).  The new oven did the job superbly.

The Christmas decorations should be up within another day or two.

July 10 - Monday

Saturday was the "Bodies in the Driveway" party. We went through a lot of Beer & liquor - 2 half barrels, numerous cases in coolers, a fifth of grain (in a punch) & I don't know how much bourbon, gin, etc.  No cops or ambulances this year.

Sofaking roasted some sweet corn this evening, the first of the summer. Local sweet corn is starting to show up at roadside stands, so we'll be having more corn roasts in the coming month or so.

June 29 - Thursday

Thirsty Thursday is officially abolished. Sofaking took a new job which requires him to leave very early in the morning, so he can't stay up till the wee hours anymore.  Well, I for one will not let this stop me.  Even if it means drinking alone, I celebrate.

June 14 - Wednesday

Gee, its been a while since I wrote anything here, so I'll probably end up babbling tonight. There's a lot of catching up to do.

Thirsty Thursdays are back being held on the dock, although tomorrow night looks iffy - we're in a rainy week & the forecast is for showers and thunderstorms tomorrow night.  At least we don't have to worry about burning torches this year.  The drought seems to be a thing of the past.

Swimming in the lake has begun, but the perch for the rope swing needs some attention before it can be used safely.  In the meantime, it'll just have to be used unsafely.

I had a good head start on the honeysuckle this year, but with all the moisture it seems to be growing a foot a day.  The lawn is out of control.  Oh, yeah, speaking of the lawn... I've let TurtleBoy use my mower for a couple years, ever since his died.  My mower isn't anything great, but it works.  There's a guard missing here and there and the blade's real dull, but it works.

Three weeks ago, TurtleBoy was going to the mountains for the weekend & he mowed his yard on Friday afternoon before he left.  I didn't get a chance to talk to him after I got home from work, he was already gone.  Sunday morning I went to get my mower out to mow my yard & when I opened the garage I looked at the mower & thought "What the heck is this?".  At first I just thought he somehow got a new guard put on the discharge chute, but on closer examination, I realized - he traded my mower in on another used mower!  This mower was definitely nicer, but that wasn't really the point.  The whole time I was mowing, I was muttering to myself things like "I can't believe he traded my mower without asking me" & "Is this my mower?" "If I move, do I keep the mower?"

We got it straightened out, but I'm gonna have to watch him closer.

The first quoits tournament of the year was 2 weeks ago - after it got too dark some of us ended up canoeing around the lake.  Then the whiskey came out.  Here's a tip: never try pouring a shot into an old fashioned glass in the dark - unless you really intend to drink more like 5 shots.  Nighty nite.

Lily caught 4 snakes this spring that I know of, and God knows how many that I don't.  The other night she was outside & I was inside drinking.  It was getting late & I kept checking to see if she was ready to come in.  I'd go to the door when I was getting a Beer from the fridge to check on her & I could see she was playing with something down in the yard, but couldn't tell what.  Finally, I reached the point where I had to go to bed or pass out in the living room.  I went to the door to give her a last chance.  She came running in, and went to her food dish right away.  She dropped a mouse on the way.  Then she started playing with it again & I thought "Great, if I go to bed now I'll end up with some disgusting pieces of mouse on the bed later".  I reached down & grabbed the mouse to throw it outside & the little *!$*!# bit me!  I dropped it & told Lily to kill it.  Within a minute it was dead.

April 29 - Saturday

Last night was the first night of the season for Beer on ice at the dock with Hot Wings & music.  The new stereo works great.  It was a little on the cold side, but a new idea was born.  It started with some discussion of putting a web-cam at the dock & developed into putting a portable web-cam on The Jammer (my drinking helmet).  This will involve a good deal of work, using wireless technology, but it is just too cool to pass up.  Coming soon!

The geese on the island had 4 babies, but something got them within a couple days.

We've had a very wet Spring and the lake is higher than it's been in a couple years, so we're looking forward to a real good Summer for swimming & canoeing.  The smell of rotting vegetation won't be with us this year either, although there is some concern about mosquitoes carrying the West Nile Encephalitis.

April 8 - Saturday

Everything's blooming, the frogs & turtles are out of hibernation & Spring is happening, baby!

I finally got Sofaking to give me some of his creativity to post, so I've added the Sofaking page.

March 8 - Wednesday

Got my new stove today & it's a beauty!  Self cleaning oven, 4 stovetop burners - what more could I want.

Heard the spring peepers for the first time this year tonight.

March 4 - Saturday

I have been informed that an update is in order.  I haven't really had any inclination to work on this site lately.  You know, the cold, dark, dreary part of winter when everyone's staying indoors just makes me veg out.

Wellll - Spring's coming!  Today you could really feel it.  Thousands of birds flew over, casting strobe-like shadows throughout the house.  The crocuses and daffodils are coming up.  I made a pre-emptive strike on the honeysuckle this afternoon, and I discovered a squirrel building a nest in my wall.

Sofaking has a new stereo for the dock & we have a new baby girl in the compound. Turtleboy thinks its important we get her in the lake ASAP so she'll feel at home around water.

I'm getting a new kitchen stove next week, and since the landlord is now aware that my old one died, the story can finally be told.

Back at Thanksgiving, Turtleboy's employer gave him a turkey.  He asked me if he could use my oven to cook it, because he didn't think his could take it.  His stove is OLD (it has a firebox on the side for cooking with wood).  I never made a turkey, and asked him if he did.  His answer was "You put it in the oven at 375 'till it's done."  This was a yes or no question - he didn't answer.  I asked him if he knew how to make stuffing, and he said "You don't need stuffing".  On the fateful day, he came over with the bird in a roasting pan and we put it in the oven at 375 and sat around at the table drinking.  After an hour and a half, there  was a loud bang, and I saw a flash behind the stove.  The air filled with smoke that had THAT smell.  You know, the smell of an electrical fire.  The smoke detector in the kitchen was blaring as I raced to throw the breaker & Turtleboy dashed out the door.  He showed up a minute later with an ancient fire extinguisher - last inspected sometime in the early 70's.  No fire, but no more oven either.  He looked at me and said "We gotta save the bird!"  He took everything over to his house and finished it in his oven.  I kept going back and forth to check for a fire, but everything was OK.  By the time the turkey was cooked, we were too.

January 1, 2000 - Saturday

We want to congratulate Boris Yeltsin on his decision to spend more time drinking.

November 27 - Saturday

The Christmas lights have been hung, and we've added what must surely be the most successful toy of the year to the products page.  The concept is credited to Sofa King & Propstick from Wednesday night's drinking.  (Thursday was Thanksgiving, so we did the Thursday thing on Wednesday.)

November 23 - Tuesday

The holidays are almost here, and I'll be hanging the Christmas lights in a few days.

We've been discussing scaling back Thirsty Thursday in favor of Fup Duck Friday.  Thursdays have been getting out of hand, and we all have to work on Friday.  We still plan to gather on Thursdays, but not going on until 1:30 in the morning.  Traditions die hard at Lakeside, so we'll see how long this lasts.

November 6 - Saturday

This week's Thirsty Thursday was a blast.  Not a big crowd, but we drank like there was no work on Friday.  I woke up around 9:30 on Friday morning (supposed to be at work at 9), and went to phone the office.  I had a message on my answering machine from the courthouse.  I completely forgot I had jury duty, and was supposed to be there by 7:30... I got there around 11:00, and explained how I'm crazy and seldom responsible.

Spent this afternoon raking leaves.

October 20 - Wednesday

We finally got plenty of rain.  Between three hurricanes/tropical storms, and a return to more normal weather patterns, the water level in the lake has come up several feet.  The low water allowed us to see things this summer we've never seen before, but it really put a damper on swimming and canoeing.

I've never been a big fan of autumn, but this year I've really seemed to appreciate the cool air and the beautiful colors.  This weekend I'll have to do the first of many yard rakings.  Living in the woods, we have a LOT of leaves to rake.  Fortunately, I like raking leaves as much as mowing the lawn.

One of these days I'm going to have to use this forum to address all the anti-gun craziness going on in this country, but I haven't had enough to drink tonight to do it yet.  When the anti-gun lobby gets Colt to stop selling handguns, and California requires law abiding citizens to turn in their legally registered weapons, American citizens should be saying "ENOUGH!".

September 8 - Wednesday

The summer season of 1999 is over.  We finally got some serious rain from the remnants of Hurricane Dennis.  There was heavy rain forecast all weekend, enough to cause people to cancel their holiday plans, but we only got a few showers 'till Monday night.  Finally it let loose. We got around 4 inches, and all the dead branches sounded like they were landing on my roof.  I kept waiting for the ceiling to come down, and kept hoping for more rain.  We need 5 more like that to get back to normal.

Real good party Saturday night.  My drinking helmet (which is supposed to be a safety device) almost choked me to death.  If you've ever had hiccups with a tight strap around your neck, you'll know what I mean.

August 18 - Wednesday

I had a run in with the bap.mp.1536 virus last week and it took 5 days to get back to where I could get this machine to boot.  I am using Dr. Soloman's (updated last month), but I didn't have the protection configured for auto-disinfect.  Dr. Soloman's reported the virus immediately, then told me to reconfigure and re-boot.  When I rebooted, I was informed that the virus was loaded into memory, my master boot record was corrupted, command.com, guard.com & win.com were infected.  Power off the system NOW, hit any key to continue. Continue what???  Anyway, thanks to the guys at HydroSoft Computers, I'm back up & running.

The "Bodies in the Driveway" party lived up to it's name, although slightly tamer than last year.

This drought is really amazing.  The lake is at an all-time low, and there's no end in sight. Most of the ferns have wilted and died, and everything's brownish. It does have a good side though.  I haven't mowed the yard since late June.

August 2 - Everyday's the same when you don't have to go to work

OK, I know my air conditioner doesn't have any kind of artificial intelligence, but the darn thing is going freakin' nuts on me. About a week ago (maybe 2) I noticed a whole lot of water laying on the windowsill. I soaked it up with some rags, and checked again a little while later. More water. Since then, I've rigged up a flume that puts the water in a bucket (which comes in handy for watering flowers, and things, since we're under a drought emergency), but there is no consistency to the thing. Sometimes water drips at a rate of a drop a second, and now it is about a drop every 45 seconds.  ???

We've been eating a lot of wings on the dock lately, and throwing the bones in the water. Last evening I watched a group of bubbles come under the dock, turn and go away from the dock. In all the time I've spent watching the lake, this was new. I told Turtleboy and others, but no one seemed to think I was sober enough to be believed. Folks - THIS IS A BIG TURTLE!!! I saw some more bubbles moving with purpose this afternoon, and then this evening I was describing the incident to Sofaking, when he said "like those bubbles?", and there they were for all to witness.

The annual "Bodies in the Driveway" party is this Saturday. Beer wherever you turn. No fireworks or Tiki torches this year - it's just too dry.

We need rain, lots of rain.

July 16 - Friday

As promised, another page of photos.

July 14 - Wednesday

Now that I am a gentleman person of leisure, I have some time to work on this site.

I'll be adding more pictures and more links within the next few days, and who knows what else or when.

Gotta go, BEER calls.

June 22 - Tuesday

It's tough trying to keep you up to date at this time of year. So much is happening outdoors that I have a hard time sitting here typing. Ya get home from work, crack open a cold one, start the charcoal, open another frosty cold BEER, and before long you're drunk and the coals are ready for grilling. OK, better get another BEER before putting the meat on the grill. Now then, where's the grill?

I'll be having more free time after July 9th, as that is my last day of work. After 13 years with the same firm, I've decided to quit and take the rest of the summer off before deciding what to do next. The Lakeside Stress Reduction Plan ® really works! I've been practicing phrases like "paper or plastic?" or "would you like fries with that?", but I have no real plan, other than to deplete my savings.

The geese that nested on the island reappeared last week with 3 goslings that are probably large enough to survive.

Tadpoles are becoming frogs in huge numbers. I counted 22 in a stretch of 6 feet along the bank of the lake, and they're eveywhere. Lily has taken to eating stuff she catches more than her food. I watched her catch and eat 2 little frogs this evening. I don't think she eats snakes, but she sure likes catching them and playing with them.

May 25 - Tuesday

Turtleboy had his first quoits tournament of the year last Friday. The clay needs some attention. The home team was pretty much unbeatable until drunken luck in the dark overtook skill.

In case you don't already know it... Bill Clinton is a traitor, but this isn't a political site.

Two weeks ago I had a good long look at the biggest snapping turtle I've ever seen. We were staring each other down from 15 feet for 10 minutes, and I just kept thinking "I can't believe this, no camera or gun". If I ran to the house for either, it would've disappeared under the water. I'd have had a great picture, the way the sun was shining through the water, or a clean head shot.

We need rain. The lake is almost 2 feet low for this time of year.

May 8 - Saturday

So much has been happening lately, I don't know where to begin.

The geese nesting on the island hatched their young this week, but they only survived a day or so 'till something got them. I saw a big Hawk eyeing them up the day they hatched.

The grass seems to need mowing every few days, but I don't mind 'cause I LOVE mowing the grass, yes sir I just love it. I only wish it would grow as fast as honeysuckle, so I could do nothing but mow. Oh yeah, the annual battle with the honeysuckle has resumed. I LOVE honeysuckle, the way it chokes the life out of the other plants and would consume the whole house is a wonder to behold.

Turtleboy has been busy stocking the lake with trout, but we don't know if they'll survive. We haven't seen any floating upside-down, so they just might work out. We've been buying fish food in 50 lb. bags and feeding the fish regularly. We haven't seen any trout yet, but we're seeing everything else. Geese eat it, turtles love it, cats go wild for it, and oh yeah, fish. Last week we were feeding them off Turtleboy's deck when we saw a crappy that was aroung 2 feet long. He looked at me and said "in 20 years of living here, I never saw a fish that big".

Lily's a year old now, and she's catching everything she can. She caught a small black snake recently, and tore it up pretty good before it bit her. Suddenly she didn't want to play with it anymore. She's a fearless climber, always up a tree somewhere.

One more week of classes for Sofa King and then Thirsty Thursdays are back on a regular basis.

Well, gotta go mow the grass...

April 16 - So So Friday

Last night we had Thirsty Thursday at my house. Just Sofa King (bagged school), Chappie & me. When Beer falls into the wrong hands, the resultant mess can be awesome.

Sofa King's cat Steeler got sprayed by a skunk this week. Go away kitty...

April 2 - Good Friday

Spring is here! The daffodils are open, crocuses are almost done, birds are singing in the morning, geese are fighting over nesting rights on the island (the winners always lose their young to snappers) and the frogs are coming out of the mud.

Sam got back up in Turtleboy's kitchen ceiling again this week. We got him out after 3 days (without putting another hole in the ceiling).

Sofa King had a BIG bonfire last weekend, the first in about a year. There was plenty to burn; lumber from the old portion of the dock that was rebuilt, branches downed from a year's worth of storms, etc. We could throw our empty bottles in the fire and watch 'em melt.

March 16 - Tues.

We had our biggest snowfall of the season on Sunday. It was warm enough that the snow was real heavy, and we lost a lot of branches and several trees. Three trees are laid over into the lagoon, but they'll be good for the wildlife. Some of the other ones that came down only hurt the asthetic appeal of the place.

After a couple weeks of colder than normal weather it looks like we're in for a warm spell, so we might get to do some shooting soon (maybe next weekend).

Feb. 28 - Sun.

Sofa King had a little gathering last night. Things have been kinda quiet around here lately, so it was good to get folks together and drink. Chappie sprung for the keg - good job Chappie!

Turtleboy cooked dinner in his barrel stove last Sunday, to see if he could use it if he didn't have electricity. The baked potatoes were okay, but the sausage had some soot on it.

Feb. 17 - Wed.

Happy Birthday to me. Daffodils are coming up, and it won't be too long before we're back spending our evenings on the dock drinking Ice Cold Beer. Turtleboy says he's gonna PARTY this summer, no holding back. He's got his Y2K preparations just about complete, maybe more ammo, and he wants to let loose and get loose.

Feb. 7 - Sun.

No one has seen the swan in 3 weeks. It seems safe to say something, or someone got it. Too bad. (yippee!)

Had a little party at my house last night. It started with me making dinner for 6 or seven people (well, not really dinner, just munchies) and got kinda out of hand. There was really no mess when I got up. That was a nice surprise.

Jan. 31 - Stupor Sunday

Friday after work, Turtleboy came over and told me his cat, Sam was in the ceiling of his kitchen and he couldn't get out. I went over and we could hear Sam meowing like he was hurt or scared, or both. We couldn't figure out how Sam got up there, and could find no openings to the ceiling. Turtleboy said he was gonna work Saturday morning and if Sam was still up there when he got home, he'd have to saw a hole through the ceiling. That's what happened. Sam's down now and Turtleboy's kitchen ceiling has a big hole in it. He saw an opening to the garage that Sam must've used, but we still can't see how he got that high up in the garage to begin with.

Jan.  28 - Thurs.

Just when you thought it was safe to walk up the hill to Sofa King's on a Thursday evening... A new semester has begun, and Sofa King has classes on Thursday night. This is not necessarily a bad thing. There's always Friday, Saturday, etc... You get the picture. And besides, who says one can't enjoy the fine tingle derived from over-indulgence in Beer without the company of a bunch of drunks. Solitary drinking can liberate the soul. (When the weather is sub-zero and freezing rain is falling, you may want to let the cat in at about the 6th or 7th Beer - they have ways of getting even). Hey, if you can't laugh at the drool and Beer all over the front of your shirt when you're alone, DON'T GO OUT IN PUBLIC!, cause it'll only get worse.

Jan. 15 - Fri.

Thirsty Thursday is back in order. Last night the attendance was low, but there was some drinking. Sofa King got a new job working for the local power company, and he was supposed to be on call (we had an ice storm), but that didn't stop him. Little Ethan had to plow all night, but that didn't stop him. Propstick broke his windshield wipers, but that didn't stop him. You are probably wondering "but where was Chappie?".  Well, there was an ice storm....  TurtleBoy stayed home too. I took the day off work and cleaned the house, so I was primed for some serious mis-behaviour. Fell on ice walking home.

Jan. 7, 1999 - Thurs.

The holidays are over (yea!), and things can return to what passes for normal around here. The cold dreary part of winter is definitely upon us. The lake is frozen hard and we would be skating this weekend, but it's supposed to start snowing tonight. The forecast is for some much needed precipitation over the next 2 or 3 days.

Being Thursday and all, I guess I should be up at Sofa King's for cold Beer, but the schedule has gotten out of whack from the holidays. TurtleBoy was over for dinner (killer beef stew), and we had a couple Beers, but now I guess I'll just have to drink alone tonight. Sniff, sob, sniff.

Somebody cut a hole in the ice this week for the swan to get some water.

December 22 - Tues.

Last week's Thirsty Thursday was postponed 'till Friday. Sofa King has done some re-arranging of the basement, (being unemployed and all, he has time) and there's a nice setup for poker.

Sunday afternoon, Turtleboy & I were sitting in his kitchen drinking and watching the geese on the lake. We went out on his deck and were throwing bread to them when the swan took over. So far, the weather has been warm, but the temperature's dropping right now. Today started in the 50's, but it's dropping fast and not expected to go above freezing for several days. The lake will freeze! Maybe this year the swan will succumb to the elements.

December 15 - Tues.

I just had my dinner. I was about to heat up some leftovers in the microwave, when I discovered there has evidently been a recent horrible accident in there. I'm not sure how or when, but apparently I tried cooking something that I shouldn't have. Tonight I had cold leftovers and Beer for dinner. I tried cleaning the microwave, but I'm going to need to rent some high-powered equipment to clean it right.

December 7 - Mon.

What the heck is going on with this weather? We've had temps in the 60's & 70's for the past week and a half. Yesterday (Sunday), we sat on the dock all afternoon drinking with no jackets. The frogs are out of hibernation and some flowers are blooming. This is NOT GOOD! We should be wondering when the ice will be thick enough for skating, not working on our tans.

Saturday night Turtleboy had a poker game.

Friday was Sofa King's last day of work. He quit his job without a plan. Well done Sofa King. You've learned well, but how long can the Beer keep coming out of the wall?

November 30 - Mon.

The products page is finally up. Just in time for Christmas! There's another great Lakeside product to add, but the graphic isn't ready and I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Word to the wise - prior to peeling and dicing five pounds of potatoes and peeling a dozen hard boiled eggs, resist the temptation to drink that second pot of coffee. Your fingers will thank you.

November 28 - Sat.

Thanksgiving's over, so I hung my Christmas decorations. The coffee's brewing, and that should make this hangover a little more bearable. I'm gonna make a big pot of potato soup this afternoon.

November 22 - Sun.

Had a little poker game in my kitchen last night. We were drinking Beer & Black Bush. Chappie kept changing the rules in the middle of the game, but it didn't help him. When I got up this morning, my bag 'o money was in better shape than before, so I guess I did okay. Turtleboy reminded me later that I was on the floor at one point. (Chappie's fault)

Novenbew13 - Frtday the13ty

Well its that time of year agaim, it's cold, dark, and the mice have cime home ti roost. Last night's Thirsty Thuwasday was particulaerlty severw, and I just wanted to come home after work today and relax wirh a cold hare of the dog. I didn't want to go out for dinner, so I thoughte I'd cookl somnewthing fot a change. Lily has been eyeine the waal near the panty lately, so I suspected mice, but I'm growing old & forget how much those little vermin can accommplish.lish. While reading thedsirections on the back of a bag, I realized i wolsadn't have to opwen it. Somwebody beat me to it. Anything in the panmtrythat isn't canned has been breached and vilated. Is it any wonder the Blaxl Plague took so many? Baited a trap and had a mouse within a n houyr.

Sorry - drunk again...

Bit of advice - NEVER tajke a cat foer a drive withioust a cage. Faithful compabniom doesnot understanfd reasoning. A cat's favorite place in a mobvinb vehivle semms to be at your feeet, or on your head. tHey do noet understand the comacept of imminemt death. An still he ramb.les

October 26 - Mon.

Lily caught her first mouse tonight. She played with it for a couple hours after it was dead, then finally lost interest.

October 16 - Fri.

Last night was another Thirsty Thursday. This time it got ugly. A few of the boys decided to go 4 wheeling after a couple hours of drinking. They were supposed to be back in 20 minutes, but that turned in to 2 hours. Seems they had a little run-in with John Law.

October 12 - Mon.

I made a big pot of chile Saturday, and had a crowd here to eat it. Went through a couple cases of  Lager during the evening, before the party moved on to the Beer coming out of the walls. Thank God for the help, cause otherwise I'd be eating chile for the next week, and I'm hurting now from 2 days of it. There's none left. My chile is deelish, but it churns your guts if you eat too much.

Today is TurtleBoy's birthday.

October 3 - Sat.

A crisp fall day. The furnaces are all getting their yearly cleaning today.

And now a word about Thirsty Thursday. We have a tradition of gathering after work each week for "Thirsty Thursday". This has been going on for several years, and it makes for some bad Fridays. An evening of camaraderie, jokes and catching up on the last weeks events disintegrates into drunken, slobbering, goofiness. It was originally "Boys Night" and we mostly stuck to Beer. Lately there have been women involved, and the liquor come out. Then things turn ugly. The Dome and the Hovering Heifers are products of Thirsty Thursday.

September 8 - Tues.

Labor Day has come and gone. Another summer at Lakeside is history. The frogs were not as abundant this summer as we expected. Last summer there were SO many tadpoles, and the winter was very mild. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of frogs, just not as many as we expected. We had fresh water jellyfish this year for the first time in 6 or 7 years. The water level stayed high for most of the summer, but its getting low now. This past spring and summer were real tough on the trees. We lost more trees than in the last 5 years combined.

Sunday night we had a little unplanned gathering that turned out to be a nice little event. Some of us even drank too much. (hehe!)

This coming Friday is the quoit re-match, and it is hoped the local boys will take it easy on the Beer, until they redeem themselves. Beer in coolers is just such a tempting sight.

August 19 - Wed.

TurtleBoy thought he was gonna die last night. We had high winds, and a tree came down on his house. He said he heard it coming, and when it hit he thought he would be squashed. I didn't know anything about it 'till I got home from work tonight. Luckily, there was no major damage to the house. However, there was some whiskey drinking during the cleanup, and somehow a chainsaw made 2 holes in the roof.

August 12 - Wed.

Saturday night was the big party for the summer. What we thought was more than enough Beer, turned out to be just barely enough. Fortunately, there's always plenty stashed in reserve. We had coolers placed at strategic locations around the compound with tiki torches and a half barrel in the middle. The fireworks didn't summon the troopers, and no one was hurt. For a while there were at least 40 people on the dock, and it held.

July 18 - Sat.

Impromptu dock party last night. It went pretty late, and much Beer was drunk. It started small, with four of us sitting on the dock & the swan walked up and hung out with us. People started showing up (some with Beer) and it just kept growing.

Last weekend was the clamfest & quoit tournament. Many clams, much Beer. The clay was groomed to perfection so the quoits were sticking real good. Clam shells are everywhere.

I think there's gonna be a corn roast tonight. We discussed it last night, but that was last night.

June 24 - Wed.

Back up and running after a major disaster. Lost a 1.2 gig drive that wasn't backed-up. Yeah, I know, ALWAYS back up important data. Anyway, I didn't. Fortunately my other, larger drive was OK. I'm still discovering what I lost. Lots, years worth of original graphics, an important, huge database, tons of HTML stuff (backgrounds, bullets, bars, animations, etc.) 10 years of CAD drawings & lisp routines, a couple of VB programs that took me weeks to write. Oh well, we're dust in the end and it doesn't matter.
I used this as an excuse to get a new system. After years of piecemeal hardware upgrades, I decided it was time for a whole new machine. My vast wealth isn't doing me any good sitting in a vault.

The new machine has a CD/R & an Iomega Zip drive. As God is my witness, I will never lose data again.

In case you never heard this before, BACK-UP YOUR DATA!!

Two days after the hawk incident, I had an abandoned / lost kitten outside my door when I got home from work. She was terrified and half starved. I decided to keep her, and named her Lily for all the Daylilies that are in bloom around the house. When I get this machine set up better, and have time, I'll post some pictures of her (and the hawk).

June 13 - Sat.

Well, the hot tub has been in operation for a week now and after a new refridgerator, the Beer is coming out of the wall again. Life is good.

I had a fledgling red-tailed hawk on my porch this morning. It's been hanging around screaming all day. There are several other BIG hawks flying around screaming back and forth. Its pretty wild. I got some great photos of the hawk from just a few feet away. I just went outside to look for it, and a large hawk screeched at me from a locust towering over the house. The fledgling has made its way up on top of my chimney. I guess its gonna have to fly from there.

June 1 - Mon.

BAD storms last night. We didn't get it as bad as some nearby areas, but we lost some big trees and many branches down. A lot of treetops are blown off, and the trees will probably die. It was real scary around midnight. Wind and lightning and hard rain. Major wind and lightning.

May 31 - Sun.

The new tub isn't functional yet. The boys were running the wiring Friday night, and when they were pounding the ground pole in (the house wasn't grounded), they hit a buried line. Knocked out the power for 4 houses. Fortunately, no one was hurt. Swimming in the lake has commenced, and the ropeswing is still working as intended. Back into the hazy, hot & humid. Much Beer was drunk last night, and I made a killer nacho dip that got accolades from all who tried it (everybody but TurtleBoy). Real hot, paying for it today. The swan seems to realize his life depends on not messing up the dock.

May 21 - Thurs.

Too much hapening lately to keep notes. Everthingds gone from frbrown to greeen. How do you make it look like natural causes? The swan is laying low, cause he must know. He's still fouling the dock, and it's almost barefoot, swimmin weather. There's anew hot tub in the house "where the Beer comes out of the wall". Put the canoe in last weekend. Forgot how much "fun" pulling weeds and mowing the yard are. With the mild winter, it looks like a banner year for bees, wolf spiders and carpenter ants.

(personal) My grandmother passed away yesterday at 99. Tahks fro everthing Mimi. We've butterd heads over the years, but you astonished me, and did things that made me admire you. You taught me alot. Too bad you couldn't take the swan with yoiu.

April 17 - Fri.

We had a tornado warning tonight, the sku was beuatiffl befor it hit the fan. Sirens went off that none of us had ever heard before. For a moment we were panicked, as it looked like emmininent doom was upon us. Somebody shouted "Harky's" and we dashed across the street to our neighbors house. Left the safety of the dome for a mobile home... we just get older, not wiser.

April 16 - Thurs.

The swan must die. He thinks the dock is nature's litter box. NJothing but trouble, that one. Never ate swan, I wonder... The frogs were makin some racket this evening.

April 12 - Sun.

Harky had a big fire. The peepers were wild.

April 11 - Sat.

(personal) The whole day sucked. Starting to improve. Drinking has commenced.

April 10 - Fri.

We had a board meeting tonight about the dome problem. Nobody kept minutes, and everybody got toasted. I don't think it was productive, but I'm not sure. We laughed a lot.

April 9 - Thurs.

Helluva storm ripped thru, the big locust by the cherry that went down a couple years ago took a hit. No bark from about 50 feet off the ground to about 80 feet off the ground. We stood around it and discussed whether or not it would make it through the summer. duh. It'll leave a vacuum at that spot. Shots around.

April 5 - Sun.

Yesterday was a nice day, Harky had a bonfire that was still burning this morning.

April 3 - Fri.

It's here!! The winter that wasn't is over.

March 26 - Thurs.

The chances of that mother swan surviving the winter are looking better (from the swan's point of view). A normal winter would've taken care of the freak.

March 17 - Tues.

The Beer Gods are playing with us again. 2 Days ago it was 85 & women were half naked in celebration. Today, it's as cold as it's been since November.

March 13 - Fri.

A day to air out the house and get drunk outdoors. No coats today. This should kick the daffodils ALL open. It's coming!

Feb. 22 - Sun.

Board meeting, new business; Dorse is moving out.

Feb. 8 - Sun.

We've discussed pooling our poawere with our espcetive inssurence companies. Weee might be able to get us each a gottub, for mwedicinal purposeds. Wheeeeww, drunk again. Sorry if this is hadr to eread, buy tou should try typing it.

Annnusway, the paln is to all get hottubs by going to the insowrace commiaion, and finsding a sot lawer / doctor to say we all meed thw tubs for meduicimol pirposes (relaxation theraphy). How can Sofa King fight evil, wham letyaegy is abuot to defeay hgim? How can Propstick fight ledargy when he can't relax?

Feb. 5 - Thurs.

So far the lake hasn't frozen. If this keeps up, that freakin swan might make it till spring. It would be much better for all parties if it froze to death. Gunfire & carcasses draw too much attention.

Feb. 1 - Sun.

FEDEX driver that was never here before ran screaming tonight.

Jan. 26 - Mon.

Do we draw straws? That swan is gonna be a pain. It gets pretty cold between now and spring. Do swans have natural enemies? Where can we got some?

Nov. 18 - Tues.

It's getting colder, and they're saying this is gonna be areal bad winter. With today's technology they see the biggest El Ninő ever recorded. (Who are they, and how long have El Ninős been recorded?). Wait and see. If I could get a job as a weather man, I wouldn't have to worry about retirement, it's done.

October 4

It's hard to believe anyone could like this time of year. Everything green turns brown. It reeks of death and failure. Where's the whiskey?

September 13

We've got a new ingredient in the mix. A swan is living here now. He's not quite mature yet, and he looks pretty rough, but soon he'll be beautiful and graceful. He's half domesticated, so he doesn't know how to find food in the wild, but he's pretty cool. If he makes it through the winter, it'll be wild floating around the lake with a swan. Turtle Boy thinks it mig</body>