The Sacred Scrolls of Lakeside...   

Just as desperate times call for desperate measures, the scrolls appear when they're needed. To the untrained eye they might seem like ordinary cherry bark, but to the initiates who live and breath only to serve the truth and a cold foamy one they are "The Word". The scrolls may only appear once in a generation, or they may appear regularly, depending on the need. When the time comes, the scrolls vanish back into the ether, to do whatever it is they do when they're not running our pathetic lives.
            
The last Great Interpreter of the Scrolls is gone now, but the message lives on. Among the things the scrolls have decreed :

• Keep a case of beer on ice at the dock all summer.
• You only get so many perfect days, don't waste them at work.
• No matter how much you drink, they always make more.
• Killing an ancient turtle to make soup is extremely foolish. (karma-wise)
• When a big tree falls from a storm, shots are in order.
• There is another.
• Sadly, he will drink light beer.