The Lies and Times of Bill Clinton
(Excerpts from the working draft)

Foreword by Jesse Jackson

President Bill Clinton is the finest public servant I have ever known.  His love of country and sense of honor are a fine example for the youth of America.  Bill Clinton used the office of President to fulfill his dreams, and tried to make his vision for America a reality.  He understands the dignity of all people.

1. Before Hillary was such a bitch

I'll have to work on this later, this is gonna be a tough chapter.

2. The Arkansas party times.

...and I told her "go home little girl", but she was hungry.  Hell, I was supposed to have her in my care and here she is crawling under my desk, grabbing and stroking...

...so Hillary was out of town and I had this great group of state troopers "protecting" me.  I told one of the fellows "I'm in the mood for a little fun, you know, a pretty one this time.  And while you're out, how about a Big Mac & some fries?"

3. Coming to Washington

Hillary was so excited.  She said "No matter what happens, we're gonna get some new furniture when this is over".  I just lit myself a cigar and thought "Yessir, this is a town full of young women who lust for men in power, why this old country boy hit the jackpot!".

4. The Waco Tragedy

...and I told her "Janet, you kick some ass.  The public thinks I'm some kind of wimp".  She just looked at me and said something about women and children.  Whoa, that got my attention...

5. Oklahoma City

I looked her square in the eyes and said "Janet, this is all your fault.  The way you handled that Waco mess.  Stop shaking, I'm not going to hit you and you're not my type."

6. My Good Friend Vince

...she stormed into the room and screamed "He knows too freakin' much!".  I tried to calm her down, but the booze had her in a foul mood.  I told her everything would be fine.  Vince was going away for a while.

7. Good Times come to Pennsylvania Avenue

You have to remember, this was a State Dinner. We couldn't contain our laughter, I was close to soiling my trousers.  He begged me to say it again.  I leaned towards him and said "I swear to you, I never had sexual relations with that girl".  The Prime Minister had champagne coming out his nose and I knew then that we had made it.  This was the big time.